


Failed to Report

by tisfan



Series: Imagine Tony and Bucky 2016/2017 [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Communication Failure, M/M, Miscommunication, Paparazzi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10421928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: Imagine if the media really loves the idea of Steve & Tony together (kinda like the brangelina of the superhero world) so they often had to play it up for the press. The problem was Bucky has a huge crush on Tony and Sam has a crush on Steve, so they commiserate together because they thought Steve & Tony are together.





	

_Industrialist Tony Stark and Avenger Steve Rogers have revealed that they hate the nickname 'Stony'._

_The couple were given the moniker by Christine Everett after the press conference post Battle of New York, in which the ever delightful Captain America was seen holding Stark’s hand as the obviously injured Iron Man climbed down off the stage. Rogers scowled recently, when asked about his relationship with Stark, saying “what exists between Tony and I does not fall neatly into a sound byte,” and further claiming the nickname makes him feel described as "someone who does illegal drugs!"_

_We understand that Captain America would have no effects, ill, or otherwise, through the use of drugs, but were reminded that the best process for such things is to change the law first, and then indulge. When asked if Rogers supports legalizing marijuana, he went into a colorful rant about how the illegalization of such recreational drugs was primarily motivated by racial tensions and that his personal opinion was that the government would be better off tackling such issues as homelessness and better care for military veterans._  
  
_Stark, instead, was amused. “I don’t care what you call us as long as you get my good side in the pictures. Wait, who are we kidding? They’re all good sides!” Stark said. “Steve and I have a rocky working relationship, so stone-y might be appropriate.”_  
  
_According to eye-witnesses, the two are often head-to-head on mission planning, and there isn’t a single other Avenger we’ve spotted doing the hug-and-fly routine._  
  
_Awww. Just don't call them Stony, okay?_

* * *

 

“Why do they keep it on the downlow?” Clint asked, eying the report while he sipped his coffee. “I mean, we all know they’ve got a ton of You Ess Tee going on. That’s unresolved sexual tension, for the over seventy in the group.”

Bucky glared. “I’m perfectly capable of using the internet, Barton.”

“They aren’t sleeping together,” Natasha said. She stirred at her yogurt before sticking the spoon in her mouth. “If they were, Stark would look like this --” and she imitated Tony’s big, cheerful smile “-- instead of like this.” Scowl.

“So, they _want to_ , they’re just not,” Sam said. He sighed. Huge sigh. Like, gulping for air because he was drowning. “Can’t compete with that, I guess.”

“With what, Steve? Steve is such a punk,” Bucky said. “I can’t imagine why anyone would want to go out with him.”

Sam opened his mouth to say something when Steve and Tony came into the kitchen, Tony rattling off technical information about a shield upgrade at top speed. Very little of it made sense to Bucky, honestly, but tech wasn’t his skill. He blanched, thinking about what his skills were and how it made perfect sense that Tony wouldn’t want to spend any time with him at all. “All right, Cap, I’ll get on it,” he finally wound down. “Kiss kiss.”

Steve waved Tony off like he was a gadfly. “You should probably eat before you go science, Tony.”

“Food is overrated,” Tony said, grabbing a cup of coffee. “My genius brain runs on caffeine and carry-out.”

“Well, I’m not carrying your genius brain up the stairs to bed when you pass out from low blood sugar, am I?”

Bucky sighed. He’d be delighted to carry the genius brain up stairs. As well as other genius bits. Genius butt, for instance. It was nice. Especially the way Tony wore his tailored slacks; the perfect shape just drew the eye.

“You always leave me at the door, wanting more,” Tony retorted, then winked at Bucky. At Bucky? Why would he wink at Bucky? “You don’t make a move soon, Freezer Burn, someone’s gonna line jump.”

* * *

 

_Industrialist and sometimes Avenger is approaching 50, and he realizes he didn’t do everything right during his years in the spotlight._

_Stark, who has a reputation as a playboy, spoke to TMZ about his upcoming plans and admitted he has some major life regrets. “It’s strange to look around and realize that most men my age have a family, and I’m still crashing into walls in a flying suit of armor.”_  
  
_The sometimes-hero added, “I’m right on time for saving the world, and I’m running late for my life.”_  
  
_Stark acknowledged that there was at least one of his teammates that he feels particularly close to, someone he’d like to make a life with. “Who else would I be thinking about?” he said. “And by the way, it’s a testament to the fact that I have not dated a lot of people in the last few years. So it’s like, give me this, people.”_  
  
_Of his previous headline-making behavior, Stark said, “I’ve inherited a younger man’s reputation. You can even break ‘bad boy’ into good bad boy and bad bad boy -- I somehow managed to become a bad version of a bad boy.”_

_Well, TMZ thinks if Stark gets his girl (or guy!) that maybe it’s not too late to settle into a more domestic situation!_

* * *

 

“So, when should I say congratulations?” Bucky shoved the paper across the table at Steve.

“About what?” Steve was busy shoving an enormous stack of pancakes into his mouth as if it was any other day and that he had no idea that he was breaking his best friend’s heart. Which he probably didn’t know, because Bucky had never told him. To be fair, Steve wasn’t exactly being out in the open about his relationship with Tony.

Steve glanced at the article, then nearly choked on his orange juice. “Oh, shit.”

“Language, Cap!” Clint piped up, crossing the room to the coffee maker.

“I… I uh… need to talk to --” Steve scrambled to his feet, pushing back from the table. He was gone before Bucky could form another question.

“You know, if he’s going to get married, he really needs to get over acting like we don’t know,” Clint said, picking up the paper and flicking the picture of Tony, grinning at the camera. Suddenly breakfast didn’t look so appetizing anymore. Bucky shoved his plate away.

* * *

_They say a picture is worth a thousand words._

_Avenger Steve Rogers, better known to the world as Captain America, an icon of decency and American values was caught in a heated lip lock with a mystery man -- and not Tony Stark! The icon was spotted kissing what appeared to be teammate Sam Wilson in broad daylight in Central Park. According to gossip site TMZ, the duo are rumored to be seeing each other on the downlow, despite the fact that Rogers’s relationship with Tony Stark has long been an item of speculation among those in the know._

_TMZ smells trouble in paradise… or maybe it’s trouble in Avengers Tower, where all the heroes reside…_

* * *

 

“What the hell, Rogers?” Bucky slammed the paper.

“Well, I admit, that probably wasn’t a good place to make out, but --” and Steve was blushing, his forehead red as a reindeer’s nose “-- but Sam was… very enthusiastic.”

“I can damn well see that, ya cheat,” Bucky said. “Didja think how Tony’s gonna feel when he sees this?”

Steve blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“Thought I taught you better’n this! If you ain’t in love with th’ man anymore, you --”

“Tony?”

“Yeah, Tony,” Bucky sneered. “Good-lookin’ billionaire, about this tall? Like, the most perfect man ever, an’ you’re breakin’ his heart.”

“No, I’m not,” Steve said.

“But --”

“Tony has never been my boyfriend,” Steve said. “Ever. The… pappas, they liked the idea, back after the Battle of New York. Wasn’t any sense in arguing with them. Wasn’t any point; neither of us were dating anyone. They made so much of it. Kinda think it’s funny, sometimes. Right up until I figured out what the heck was bothering Sam so much. Gotta admit, I was so busy watching him, I didn’t quite realize he was watching me back.”

“Tony’s single?” Bucky choked on that fact.

“The whole time you’ve known him,” Steve confirmed.

“Huh.”

Steve grinned. “The look on your face makes me think he might not be, for much longer.”

“Shut up, punk.”

  
“Go get your man, you idiot.”


End file.
